That Young Whippersnapper used to constantly make a nuisance of himself all the time until he submitted an entry for the Baron Von Ass newsletter. Then we welcomed him into the fold.

What follows is an excerpt from an Assketeer Newsletter - a journal entry of sorts from The Whippersnapper.


"Its' fall '97, and the BGSU school year is about to begin. I'm here in shitty Bowling Green, Ohio reporting on the people I've seen on campus so far. The first guy I saw had his hand down the front of his pants, and he was sort of wiggling his hand around while repeating the phrase, "My dad smells nice." This left me in the mindset that it was going to be a strange year here in the windier city. Next, I walked past the frat-houses. I didn't see the usual fleet of jack-asses dressed in khaki shorts, matching white hats pulled down over their eyes with big dumb sideburns sticking out.

Instead, I saw a gang of guys that were all wearing their pants pulled up to their nipples. Their clothes didn't match, they all had on glasses, except the black guy and the scummy guy. Then of course I realized that I wasn't on campus at all, I was on the set of Revenge of the Nerds XV!!. Actually, I'm not sure where I am right now as I'm writing this column. I must go now, but I will leave you with the words of the immortal Dru Connolly, "Sheep can fly planes and bomb Russians, but they don't want to."




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