The Dumb Crap Welcome to my monkey.

Ten Teds walk into a bar. Bartender says, "What'll ya have, Teds?" Ted says, "Monkeys." Bartender sez "How many monkeys?" Ted sayz "Ten." "Ten monkeys for ten Teds, huh?" sayz the Bartender. "Yep," says Ted. Bartender sez "So, ah, ya got any moolah ta pay for these ten monkeys, Teds?" "Excuse me," sez Ted. "Moolah. Cash. Dinero. Dough. Bread. Greenbacks. Dead Presidents. Coinage. Chump change. You know what I'm sayin'? Ted says, "Oh, I see. Monetary reimbursment." "Yeah, whatever. Cough up some green." says the Bartender. Ted swarms and beats the stuffing out of Bartender. Monkeys leap for freedom. Monkeys like Teds and Teds like monkeys. 'Nuff said.

Goobernatorial

Do you like monkeys?

Yes, but only with Surfin' Berry Punch Kool-Aid.
No, but I might consider it if you throw in some irradiated Don Knotts clone.
Sca-REW You and your goddam monkeys.

Do you like Ted?

Depends on the Ted
To blazes with Ted and everything he stands for!
I love Ted and Ted loves me
Ted sucks a mean Steak-umm.

Mr.T is the greatest guy ever.

Tauntaun Wendigo is the best steel worker in Newark
Harvey Assbutter is the best damn guy on da country
Assfunky asspissies munch on yer mom.

If you scored 3 or lower, you're bowlegged and will become a gargoyle at age thirty!

If you scored 7 or above, your name is Theodore Flusterbunny!

If you scored Zefram or Schnitzelhaus, you deserve all the glory and personal freedom and wealth that life allows a human being but you will be constantly spat upon and derided throughout your entire life until you wind up a broken and filthy octegenarian crumpled up on the streets of Omaha, where rednecks will constantly mistake you for a toilet!


Congrats! You've reached the end of the Dumb Crap! Go on back to the lecture at hand.