Many moons ago, when your world was young, my people were in abundance. That is until your "Prophet of God" died and that farce Christianity started. Now, I don't want to come off as bitter, but when the ravings of a mad carpenter are almost singlehandedly responsible for not only the near extermination of my race, but spreading the plague of disbelief throughout their lands - "theirs" only after we, the "Creatures of Fable" were forced into hiding - it is somewhat hard to stave off the bitterness. But, alas, I digress. The Baron requested an autobiography and an autobiography he shall receive.

I was born, but I shall never die. For I am not of your "world," your belief system or even your mindset. As long as one being believes in my existence I shall exist. It's that simple. Many have found out that fact the hard way. I have journeyed to the four corners (including all points in between) of this once glorious rock. I have seen things of beauty that would bring tears to mortal eyes and have done things that would force one to gouge one's eyes and pierce their eardrums for fear of even vicariously experiencing such events.

When and where I met the esteemed Baron is of no consequence. The only fact that matters is that I know him. I offer my services as a fazir of sorts, in return for the chance to live truly free. Free of the chains that once bound me; free of the zealots that once hounded me; free to find solace on the high winds with a good cup of coffee and a smoke. This is all the personal information I choose to divulge at this point in time, and if you choose to disagree I have this one thought just for you: I hope you choke on your favorite food and die a slow agonizing death. Also, to everyone, remember the views of myself, the Gnome, in no way reflect those associated with me. They are mine alone and no one shall take that away.

Here's some wonderous happy crappy that The Gnome suggests you ogle and drool over:

Back to the Baron Von Ass & Gnome festival of light.